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stay-at-home-mom

Is it possible to have everything you want and still feel unsatisfied?

I guess that’s the feeling The Rolling Stones experienced when they sang the hit song “(I can’t get no) Satisfaction”.

I have all I have ever wanted- a smart, creative husband who loves me very much; 2 smart, sweet and healthy children who wants nothing more than to be with their family; a career that I love; and a house that fits our style and lifestyle perfectly. I work with people who are caring, smart, funny, and great to be around. I should be loving life, right? While I do- at times… with the husband, the 2 children, the house, and full-time career- there is so much to do! I suffer from anxiety attacks at the thought of the daily tasks that must be completed. Although I want to do it all, the amount of time is not enough!

I am not satisfied! I never spend enough time with my children. Did I hug them enough? Do they feel loved enough? And that sweet, loving hubby of mine? He frustrates me to no end! Can’t he do more, help out more… Although I have much of what I ever wanted, it doesn’t seem to be enough!

I long to be the woman whose house is spotless; who cooks every meal from scratch while dancing in my perfectly fitted A-line dress. I Love my children dearly. I kiss them repeatedly. I work to help provide their needs, teach them, play with them. Although I am sure I am a purposeful wife and mother, I don’t seem to be doing enough!

Periodically in my life, I set off to fix the various areas of my life. I need to spend more time with my children, cook more, keep an immaculate home, show my husband more affection… I know! I’ll dedicate Saturday mornings to cleaning and Saturday afternoons to family time. I’ll do laundry on Friday evenings and- the list goes on and on. Then I find myself feeling frustrated, fatigued and fed up! I can’t do this anymore! I need to break this vicious cycle! But how? I am not enough!

As I am writing this and expressing myself, I must admit that I am feeling a bit more calmed. Just the act of self-expression helps. But reality remains- I cannot fix my life! Whilst filling this screen with my emotions, I can’t help hearing that still small voice whispering:

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33).

True! I cannot continue to toil, in an effort to correct the symptoms of a poor relationship with God. I have allowed my business of Life to keep me away from the very person who has given me life. I, alone, will be never be enough.